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[16 Aug 2005|08:33pm]
[ mood | creative ]

New LJ:


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[16 Aug 2005|02:00pm]
[ mood | encouraged ]

Okay, I know this is the third entry today (so far! ;-) ) but it's more difficult to edit an entry on LJ than it is on Xanga.

Today, I cracked open my Bible for the first time all summer. I began at the first page (you know, the one that says "This Bible belongs to _________, was given to by __________ on this date _________") and found that page in my Student Bible that lists controversial issues that the Bible talks about, such as abortion, forgiveness, sex, marriage, etc...  I read through a lot of them but read mostly the verses under "Comfort" and "Sin".. I'm definitly encouraged by what I read and I'm going to start reading my Bible at least once every day. I'm going to live what I believe and claim over my life. If I want to make friends in this new school I'm going to, then I better start living humbly, like Jesus.

That's all. Oh. And I just ate a bowl of icecream and I had a sugar rush but now I just feel tired and bloated. Blehck.

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[16 Aug 2005|11:46am]
[ mood | hurt ]

I long for a tender-hearted friend who will encourage and love me... who knows the real me. I'm tired of being lied to and hurt so deeply. But I will be strong. And I will still keep claiming friends over my life. Lord, please.... I don't care how deeply it will hurt me even more, but please, please.. just abrubtly take away all the false relationships and friendships and sinful conversations that have been going on. Lord, forgive me, please. I'm so so sorry. You're the only way.

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[16 Aug 2005|11:18am]
[ mood | closed in ]

Every day...




Just waiting for...

for no one.

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[15 Aug 2005|03:47pm]
[ mood | Poopie ]

I changed my mind... and I'm keeping this journal. Mostly for the sake of history... but anywho.

I'm really tired and hungry and I've wasted this entire day. I have so much to do.

Vacuum upstairs
A whole hour of history
A whole hour of Science
Clean bathroom
Clean bedroom (this is the only one I've accomplished)

I have to do all this in less than one and a half hours. Hah! What a joke. Oh well. I'll do my best.


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[15 Aug 2005|07:49am]
By keeping this journal, I'm still holding on to things I'm trying to let go of. So it's going to be gone tomorrow.
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[12 Aug 2005|07:08pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

I've been basing my self-worth, for years, on dreams I thought were realistic. Now I realize they were immature fantasies and even so, my world won't crash down. I'm still claiming His name over my life, as well as my Christianity. True... my life is a mess, but I'm sweeping it up -no.. more like mopping it up, bit by bit. If anyone reads this thing, just pray for me real fast, okay? Pray I'll find answers to all this through Jesus and that the depression will peel itself off of me. Also pray I don't sell my life to this guy who is everything I shouldn't be paying attention to.

The reason I still feel all warm and lovey inside:

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[12 Aug 2005|04:32pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

My mom and I went to Lake Acworth today (aka Lake Allatoona) and the entire time we were there, I was looking at each family, wondering if that very scary sin had meandered his way into the same place I would be at. I was terrified. As we left our subdivision, I looked for very tall men, just as he said he was tall, afraid he might follow us to the lake in his car. I don't know what kind of car he has. But I'll be sure to find out, discreetly. I don't know what to do. And life is a mess.

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[11 Aug 2005|05:56pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I hate me. I hate who I am. I don't deserve to live. The extent of my sins and my secrets goes far far beyond my family's and friends' imagination. I deserve to be homeless and completely alone. I don't deserve shelter or love or honesty from one person... let alone, love from God. I don't deserve to even know or toy with the thought that the Creator of the universe loves me even a little bit. I'm scum. I'm not crying because of guilt or even conviction, but I'm mourning because of my loss of sin. But if I'm in sin, what have a gained? I've gained hell. I doubted God for less than 24 hours, but even a second is too much. I'm still a Christian, but I know that would change drastically if I were to choose this sin one more time. And if I choose it again, I'm ruining the present and the future. Yet if I stop, I'm gaining the whole Kingdom of Heaven.. but the rewards don't come untill a long time from now. What is wrong with me? I lack the Christian friends I so desperately need and all the influences around me encourage me to sin even more or condemn me and make me feel such deep guilt for those wrong things I've done, that I want to end my life. Here I go again, dancing around my words, keeping from saying what the sin is. But the problem is that the wrong person could read this. And I only know of one Christian who reads my journal... and he's having such a hard life right now. I don't know who I'm writing this to.

Lord, You know my every thought, my every need, and all my sins... yet You still love me all the same. How could that be? I'm so sorry for all these things I've been attatched to. Please help me to flee from them and help me, God, to be able to take all the necessary actions to keep me as far away from these strongholds in my life as possible. Make me realize now that I'm not a slave to my sin any longer because You've broken the chains. Help me to love You as I should, Father. Amen.

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[10 Aug 2005|06:14am]
[ mood | sad ]


Which kind of blythe are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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[08 Aug 2005|08:11pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I feel alive. I've been on several trips and they've reminded me of just how much I love my family and my Lord. Want to see pictures? This time, I actually have some to show:

^^ Joe, Gail, Natalie, Nancy, and Kevin

Read more...Collapse )

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[13 Jul 2005|01:34pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

(part of an entry from Xanga)

look what I found:

Look how cute I am That's me when I was in fifth or sixth grade, believe it or not (I went through growth spurts early.. and developed like a teenager when I was 10.. no lie). And that cat is my first cat ever. I had her from several months before I was born until I was fourteen and she got out of the house and never came back. Her name was Shaboom (shuh-boom). I miss her. But Madison is a LOT like her.

In church on Sunday, I kept staring at these two little girls several rows up, wishing I was their age again. I never acted my age and I really regret that. I had all the chances to be a little kid, but I always acted older because I always looked older and if I acted like a kid, people would think I was retarded (at least, that's what I was afraid of). Sorry if that 'r' word isn't politically correct and I offend someone. I don't mean to.

On a different note, I'm about to get some pictures developed from my sixteenth birthday in December (finally!!) so I'll have to post those here. Or a least a link to my album.

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[12 Jul 2005|10:59am]
[ mood | empowered ]

This was the Bible verse of the day on Bible.com. This is also my prayer.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.(Psalm 139:23-24 KJV)

Read my Xanga

P.S- Camp was cancelled.

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[09 Jul 2005|02:14pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I feel revived. Tired, but revived... if that makes sense. I'm making a lot of revisions in my life and it's helping a ton already. I'm trying to stay more busy, also, and I've decided to start babysitting again. It's small, I know, but putting all these small things together will equal one mighty change. For instance, deciding to go to youth camp was a huge step for me. That's really putting myself out there, which I'm not used to. But youth camp is a whole different story. While I'm on the topic... hurricane Dennis is deciding to keep me from going to camp. I'm really bummed, but there is still a slight chance it will change paths or miraculously speed way up or slow way down. If camp was just a week later, we'd be fine. Well, if we do end up going, I'll be gone this Monday through Saturday and I'll come back with oodles of photos.

I refuse to write another boring entry :-P Pictures coming soon.

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[07 Jul 2005|09:42pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

(Posted on Xanga)

I've been crying all day and screaming into my pillow... I'm not insane, I just hurt really bad. All of this mess has built up and I have to let it out. By the time my dad got home, I had lost my voice. Hard to explain to your parents why you've lost your voice, but you're not sick. Then some sales person called a few minutes ago about a timeshare we own and I said we don't have a timeshare and he said "well how would you know?" like I was stupid. I hung up on him and cried even more. I wanted to crawl in a corner and I probably would have if I was home alone. I need friends so badly in my life, but I lack the Christian friends that I need. Angela is like a dream come true.. and she would be if she just lived nearby. I know we'd be best friends. You're all probably thinking "who's Angela?" ...just a new friend that I have everything in common with. It's great! I haven't had a friend with common interests in YEARS. When she gets back home from a missions trip in Panama, she'll be my accountability partner.

Today, I was so fed up with another male figure in my life, that I deleted instant messenger altogether. I'm tired of talking to strangers online who I end up trusting, only to be misunderstood and let down once again. This has happened so many times, I can't even count them. So, if any of you want to contact me, you can do so through any of my blogs, email, or the old fashion way (and my personal favorite): written letters through snail mail. If you want my address, just email me and ask. I'll probably give it to you if you're not male. Heh, and I'm serious. I'm so fed up with them right now.

The end.

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[29 Jun 2005|11:06am]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm going shopping today. I really hope I find some nice, frilly skirts like these:

That's all for now. I'm feeling too guilty to write, anyway. I just have way too much homework.

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[25 Jun 2005|02:47pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I've found it's better when I'm...

                                       ...barely there.

Last night Jesus was lightly brushing my face, wiping away my tears. Today He's holding me constantly, making sure I'm secure enough not to cry.



                                                                                   I'm so ready

for Him




                                                                      to come






Last night I was more grateful for the people who care than I have been in a very long time. I just can't wait until I get a job at the daycare. That will be a dream come true, really.  Oh, random, random thoughts.

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[24 Jun 2005|12:14pm]

Snapple Popzilla Unfreezes, Gotham Gets Even Stickier

22 Jun 2005

Problems with physics being the very reason why people who wind up becoming PR and marketing people often decide to go that liberal arts route, it may come as little surprise that Snapple's giant popsicle stunt failed today. It seems that the Snapple marketing folks' attempt at erecting a Guinness Book record-breaking popsicle was called off when they remembered that old rule about phase changes: ice melts in NYC in June. But perhaps contributing more to the fiasco than the English majors was the group from the other hard science escape route: the lawyers. When one got a load of the Popzilla that was about to be erected, it set off the tort alarm bells, shutting down the event for good.

Manhattan's Union Square, now even sticker than usual, still smells of kiwi and strawberry after the block was flooded with oozing Snapple as the beast melted ignominiously in the sun. The AP reported that onlookers had to scurry for higher ground, although that might be laying it on a bit thick. The crane that was set to pull the popsicle upright was stilled when officials got nervous that slabs of Popzilla would rain down on the audience, perhaps killing someone, which even most PR people agree isn't good PR.

Snapple did a pretty good job of making the best of it, though, quickly pushing releases and even a page of images to promote the demise of the pink leviathan. Heck, maybe it worked.


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[23 Jun 2005|02:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Two entries in one day.. oh my! Does anyone actually read this thing?

You are...(looks)
[x] tall(ish)
[ ] in between
[ ] short

[ ] blonde
[x] redheaded
[ ] brunette
[ ] black-haired
[ ] multi colored

[x] blue-eyed
[ ] brown-eyed
[ ] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] gold eyed (well, yellow)
[ ] grey eyed
[ ] with glasses
[ ] with contacts
[ ] with braces
[x] with freckles
[x] with piercings (just ears)
[ ] with tattoos
[ ] and have long hair
[ ] and have short hair
[x] and have mid-length hair

Your nationality includes...

[ ] chinese
[ ] indian
[ ] taiwanese
[ ] japanese
[ ] spanish
[ ] nicoya
[ ] puerto rican
[ ] chicana
[ ] italian
[ ] scottish
[ ] filipino
[x] dutch
[ ] french
[ ] german
[ ] irish
[ ] greek
[ ] portuguese
[ ] polish
[ ] korean
[ ] jamacian
[ ] canadian
[ ] lithuanian
[ ] native american
[ ] russian
[ ] british
[ ] danish
[ ] african
[ ] scandanavian
[ ] armenian
[ ] finnish
[ ] other

Your favorite color(s) are?

[ ] red
[x] pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] black
[ ] green
[x] blue
[ ] white
[ ] silver
[x] purple
[ ] brown
[ ] orange

Some things you've done/played include...
[ ] lifeguarding
[ ] cheerleading
[x] dancing
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[ ] football
[x] softball
[ ] wrestling
[x] gymnastics
[ ] track/cross country
[ ] basketball
[ ] baseball
[ ] golf
[ ] playing in the mud
[x] playing music
[x] hiking
[ ] kayaking
[x] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[ ] marching band
[ ] cannoeing

You are sometimes...

[x] annoying
[x] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny
[x] serious
[ ] bubbly
[ ] spazzy
[x] fun-loving
[x] laid back
[x] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird

The music you like is?

[ ] rap
[ ] rock
[x] pop
[x] country(lil' bit)
[ ] hip hop
[ ] r&b
[x] slow jams
[x] Christian (makes up most of my collection)
[x] classical
[ ] techno
[x] oldies
[x] the 80s
[ ] punk
[ ] Metal
[x] reggae
[ ] Goth
[ ] Latin
[ ] 90's Grunge
[x] musicals

The pets you have are?

[x] cat
[ ] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[ ] rabbit
[ ] fish
[ ] Bird
[ ] other (mouse)

Clothes you like to wear are?

[ ] t shirts
[x] sweatshirts
[ ] stockings
[ ] high heels
[ ] boots
[ ] sneakers
[x] jeans
[x] pj pants
[ ] boxers
[x] underwear
[x] dresses
[ ] mini skirts
[x] long skirts
[ ] watches
[x] necklace
[ ] hoop earrings
[x] toe socks
[x] flip flops
[ ] halter tops
[ ] stilletos
[ ] band shirts
[ ] shorts
[ ] sleeveless shirts

How do you like to wear your hair?

[x] down
[x] ponytail
[ ] pigtails
[x] messy bun
[x] half ponytail
[x] scrunched/curly
[x] bun
[x] crimped
[ ] with a bandana
[x] French braids
[ ] lots of little braids
[ ] Gel
[ ] hat - cap.
[ ] messy hot guy hair
[ ] sex hair
[ ] fauxhawk

You're mostly labeled as?

[ ] goth
[ ] emo
[x] prep
[ ] punk
[ ] hippie
[x] nerd
[ ] ditzy
[ ] hyper
[x] happy
[ ] asshole

You eat?

[x] dessert
[ ] no meat
[ ] diet stuff
[x] healthy foods
[x] junk foods
[x] a lot of carbs
[ ] lots of meat
[x] salad
[x] seafood

A typical friday night...

[x] mall with your friends
[ ] partying
[x] watching movies
[ ] going to the club
[ ] staying home
[ ] babysitting and getting $$
[x] hanging out w/ my friends
[ ] hanging out w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ] working while your friends are out having fun
[ ] at something to do with sports/school

Currently you are...

[ ] in a relationship
[ ] single and lovin it
[x] crushing... and hating it...
[x] single and looking for someone
[ ] just broke up... and so sad about it
[ ] single and prefer to stay that way.
[ ] going to die a single person cause I suck

Have you...

[ ] I have kissed a member of the opposite sex
[x] I have kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] I crashed a friend's car
[ ] I have been to Japan
[ ] I rode in a taxi
[ ] I have been in love
[ ] I've had sex in public
[ ] I've shoplifted
[ ] I have been fired
[x] I have cut myself on purpose
[ ] I have smoked pot.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight
[x] I peed on myself (not recently :p)
[ ] I have been arrested
[x] I've gone on a blind date
[x] I've lied to a friend
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher
[ ] I have been to Europe
[x] I've skipped school
[ ] I have thrown up in a bar
[x] I have eaten sushi
[ ] I have been snowboarding.
[x] I have been happy with myself
[ ] I went to a prom
[ ] I've bungee jumped
[ ] I have been to a pop concert
[x] I have dated someone for over a year
[ ] I sold naked pictures of myself
[ ] I have been in a car accident
[x] I have seen a dog naked
[x] I have slept in the nude
[x] I've eaten cheesecake
[ ] I've had jury duty
[x] I've hated someone without knowing them
[ ] I have been to Maine
[ ] I've shot a real gun
[ ] I've ran around with my trousers around my ankles
[ ] I've done ecstacy
[ ] I've gotten my butt kicked
[ ] I've been caught smoking
[ ] I've milked a cow
[ ] I've got in a verbal fight with a teacher.
[ ] I've cheated on someone
[ ] Sniffed markers to get high.
[ ] Slept for more than 15 hours at a time.

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[23 Jun 2005|01:52pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

When I sin, I always feel like I have to mourn to be worth God's time, but I know that is so very incorrect. Jesus loves me more than I could ever fathom on this earth. He loves us all like that, even when we don't know Him or know how to love Him. How precious is He, who died on the cross for you and me. I have to remember that even if I was the only one on the earth who sinned, Jesus still would have died on that cross to save me. God is love and He loves us more than we could ever dream

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21

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